Big Brother

Hello! Just a quick comment and some easy fixes first: Mollie exclaims to me while I write in my notebook with one hand and bite my apple with my other ...

Hello! Sometimes you use more words than you need to and that's breaking your flow a little bit. Let's have a look at your beginning and see what could be ...

Oh look, there's another chapter ;) I am confused by the part: He had made just one friend; another gobux. He was a little older than Pook and was called ...

Hello again! I liked your last chapter so much that when I saw your next was also in the green room, I simply had to have it. So here I ...

Hello! You have a really strong opening here which immediately grabs my attention and makes me interested in the character and what's going on so good work! Your use of ...

Hello! I like this poem, but I'd like to see you do something more interesting with it. At the moment, if we took out all of the line breaks, it ...

Hello! I really like the Haiku format, it's such a good choice! Okay so I am going to take these one at a time as I don't think you meant ...